It's been too long...

Since beginning my blog two years ago, my life has had many changes, but God has carried me through it all in the way that only He could. The mortgage company I had been with for nearly three years shut their doors unexpectedly, leaving me unemployed. It was a shock at the time, but I knew that God was completely in control. It was time for a change, and I knew He had great plans for me! I just wasn't quite sure exactly what that would look like. And I never could have dreamed what was in store for me...

I was filling my time coordinating fundraising for Starfish Orphan Ministry, when in May of 2009 I was diagnosed with Medulloblastoma, a form of brain cancer. I had surgery to remove my tumor a few days later. The Lord has possibly taught me more about Him, and myself, in the past two years than in my entire life. I finished treatment in August of 2010 and married the other love of my life that September. I still serve as the fundraising coordinator for Starfish Orphan Ministry and I am continually amazed at the amazing things happening around me, each and every day.

This is my first post in nearly a year, but I am going to do my best to update on a more regular basis.

Please take the time to read my previous posts about my journey with cancer and stay tuned for continued updates on what God is doing in my life these days.

One year later...

June 2nd was one year since my brain surgery... How fitting that God's promise was reminded to me over the Nashville sky as I started a new chemo!

Brightness everywhere! The way a rainbow springs out of the sky on a rainy day—that's what it was like. It turned out to be the Glory of God! Ezekiel 1:25

First, I want to thank everyone who has shown me so much love and support over the past year. my family & friends, Mom, Dad, Ryan, Jackie & Melissa and so many more. I know there have been hundreds of people praying for me around the world, many I don't even know, and I am so incredibly grateful!

Here we go...

This week was one year since my tumor was discovered. My cancer is called Medulloblastoma. It's actually a children's brain and spine cancer and it's rare that anyone over the age of 15 would get it for the first time. I was 25. I had a golf ball size tumor resected from my cerebellum. They had me on high steroids for a week to reduce swelling, then did the surgery on June 2, 2009. The pain and hell the few weeks after surgery was unimaginable, and NO ONE could have understood. But, with each and every day and quite a bit of physical therapy, things got easier.

They were able to get my whole tumor out, but I started six weeks of radiation in July and lived in Nashville during that time. After I had a few weeks of rest, they started chemo in September. My radiation was cranio-spinal. That means from the front of my brain all the way down my spine into my hips. That's the largest area they can radiate at once. It made me extremely tired and nauseated, but I didn't throw up much. Other than the fatigue, it wasn't that bad, until I lost my hair. That was hard. Luckily, I had one of my best friends staying with me in Nashville at the time.

The day it began to fall out I cried allot, but I was prepared and had Bridgette go ahead and shave off the rest of my hair. My number one suggestion is to get a good wig you're comfortable with before you loose your hair. At first you'll feel like everyone can tell, but they make them so well now, no one ever knows. I'm constantly complimented on what great hair I have, and they have no idea it's not even mine! Plus I can get ready so fast now! :)

After some recovery time, I decided to go ahead with chemo. They gave me the option to not take it, but it's common that Medulloblastoma can come back in the spine. So, my chemo has been for preventative reasons. It began in September 2009 and I hope to finish by this September. Originally they said I would only take it for 6-9 months, but my body took it pretty hard with low blood counts and platelets each time. So, I've had to have lots of transfusions and rebuilding time between treatments.

While the whole thing sounds pretty terrible as I'm sitting her typing it out, I want to encourage anyone facing it; not scare them. God has been amazing through the whole thing. I have really tried to not ask, "Why did this have to happen to me?" That's the easiest thing to think. It's easy to have a pity party, and really, who would blame you under the circumstances? What I've tried to keep telling myself is that I'm so glad it was me and not a child. I know that God only gives us what we can handle. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD HANDLE IT... but, He has shown me how I really can do it, I just have to trust that He's going to help me get through it.

While I wouldn't have wished for, or expected this in a thousand years, a lot of good has come out of it. I had to move back in with my parents after owning my own home for 3 years. While I thought it would be HORRIBLE, I am so close to my mom now. She takes me to all of my appointments in Nashville, and we have truly become so much closer its amazing.

My boyfriend and I also grew unbelievably closer. You truly learn who in your life loves you when it comes to cancer. Most people are afraid. Many of them will come in the beginning anyway, but it's those who stick with you through it all that truly love you. Ryan and I were engaged in September of 2009 and we are looking forward to planning our wedding when I'm done with treatments.

There are days that I still sit and want to cry. My advice: do it. And the people around you should let you. As long as you're not down about it all the time, I think a good cry about once a week is healthy. I didn't cry for the first three months. I think I was just too much in shock. Once I did, I felt so much better. I also see a therapist about once a month. It really helps to just unload on someone who's not in the thick of it, and who won't say, "It will all be okay!" As nice as that sounds, sometimes, its the last thing you want to hear.

Overall, I wouldn't trade it. I have learned more about God, myself and the people around me in one year, than I ever imagined possible. While we can't always see the plans when we are at the beginning of the ride; the valleys, drops, twists and turns, He engineered the ride and we have on one heck of a safety harness. While we might be afraid in the beginning, most of the time, when the ride comes to an end, we realize it wasn't that bad after all.

A week full of D List Celebrities...

A few weeks ago, when Mom and I were headed for a second opinion at Duke, we had some interesting run-ins at the Nashville airport...

Just as we were getting out of the car, there was an ambulance unloading a person on a gurney. We commented about how awful it must be to have to travel like that on a commercial flight, as we entered the terminal. After going through security, we sat down to put our shoes back on, and the man next to us dropped his briefcase. As things began to slide across the crowded room, Mom startet to help him pick up.

The man was so greatful for her help that he said, "Here let me give you something!" Many possibilities ran through our heads, but nothing as strange as what he gave us! He put a post card in each of our hands and said, "It's Little Richard." Well, we both must have had bizarre looks on our faces, because this was a very LARGE man and looked nothing like Little Richard. He obviously noticed our confusion and said, "No! Over there, on the stretcher. That's Little Richard. I am his body guard." It wasn't what we expected, but made for one of our most interesting celebrity sightings... that week.

I figured no one would ever actually believe this story, so I have included pictures of both his pre-autographed post card, and his gurney wheel. (That's the best I cold do.)

Only moments later were we walking through the food court and heard horrible screams. First, three men ran by, then a large pack of screaming teenage girls. The guys ducked into the first mens room they could find. Mom and I were feeling a little un-cool for not knowing who he was, so I stopped and asked one of the girls. Her response was, "Duh! Bucky Covington!!!"

Aparently this was one American Idol I did not keep up with. (I did not take this picture. Just saving most of you the trouble of Googling to find out who this guy is.)

And last, but not least; as we were eating at California Pizza Kitchen, a few days later... Mom looked out the window behind me and said, "That man walking in looks just like John Edwards." When I didn't look, she said, "No. Seirously. He looks JUST LIKE John Edwards!" Just as he walked in, I had to concede that yes, it looked like him because it was him! It just so happend to be the same day that the media linked info on his affair. So, as the rest of you were watching him on CNN, he was at the table next to us!

I did not take this picture either, but it made me laugh!

And these are the days of our lives...

After a visit to the best, at Duke University, it was determined that I likely have new cancer growing on my spine. They could not be positive, but felt that it would not be safe to leave it untreated. So, it looks like several months of intensive chemotherapy.

I started this Monday and Tuesday and so far I'm feeling well. I come back in four weeks to hopefully have more treatments, but only if my counts are good.

What our family really needs right now are prayers for my Mom's mother. Her name is Barbara Hodges and she is dying of pancreatic and colon cancer. She is in St. Thomas Hospital here in Nashville, so we have been able to stay and visit with her. She was diagnosed in November of 2008 and told she only had 5 months. She was always extremely healthy and now its 15 months later and things are going down hill quickly. I greatly appreciate your prayers and support for me, but I ask that you keep her in mind as well...

As most of you know, the past year and a half has been very difficult for our family, but it is important to remember 1st Corinthians 16:13-14 "Be on your guard; Stand firm in the faith; Be couraegous; Be strong. Do everything in Love."

There are so many days that it would be much easier to just be angry. Angry at God for choosing us. But, if there is one thing that I have learned through this all is that He is in charge, and therefore must have an incredible reason and blessing on the back end of it all. Not just for me, but our entire family. So, we must be on guard, stand firm in the faith, be couraegous, be strong, and remember that when we want to take out our anger on others or show our frustration, we must do everything in love.

A second opinion...

Well, tomorrow we are heading to Duke University in Durham, NC. The doctors at Vanderbilt discovered to white masses on my brain. They are unsure of what they are, or how to treat the issue. I've still been having dizzy spells and pain. Because the Vandy doctors wanted to continue chemo without really exploring these problems, we've decided on Duke for a second opinion.

Mom and I leave Monday morning and will fly to Raleigh-Durham. My appointments are on Tuesday and Wednesday and, if all goes well, we will head back on Thursday. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support!

A New Year

I can't believe it's been two months since I posted!

I'm feeling a little better. I spent most of November and December in and out of the hospital, but I feel lots better now. I go back on Wednesday of next week for a spinal tap and MRI and then go again Friday to see the doctor. Then, they'll let me know what the plan is for chemo.

I've had a months break and its been nice! Thanksgiving I wasn't feeling well, and ended up in the hospital, but Christmas was great with my family and Ryan's. I hope you all had great holiday's too!

Going into the new year means a new beginning! I don't know what God has planned for the year ahead, but I know it will only get better from here! I'm looking forward to Natalie's wedding, planning for mine, getting back to El Salvador and staying busy with fund raising for Starfish.

Moving into Fall...

So its been a while since I've posted! I started chemo about a month ago, but unfortunately things were put on hold for a bit. My white blood cell counts were too low to get my second treatment. So, after a couple of weeks of shots and IV therapy I'm headed back to Vanderbilt tomorrow.

Monday evening I will be having scans done to try and determine why my symptoms are not subsiding. Then, on Tuesday we are meeting with a symptom specialist, and my oncologist. After that, hopefully another chemo treatment will follow. The chemo schedule is set for six months, but for each time I can't receive treatment it will be stretched out farther.

Please be in prayer that the symptoms will subside and treatments will go smoothly. The quicker we can get this over with the better! :)

Oh and did I mention..., I'm recently engaged! Ryan proposed September 25th! We couldn't be happier and we are having fun in the beginning stages of planning!

Thanks again for everyone's love, prayers, and support!

And so it continues...

On Friday I had an appointment with my oncologist at Vanderbilt. They have decided to give my body a break after the radiation for at least a few weeks. I will go back mid September for tests, then begin chemotherapy in early October. The treatments will be every-other week for 6-9 months.

Even though this is not the news I wanted to hear, I have complete faith in God and the medical team that they know best. They seem to feel that the chance for recurrence is high and hope that this chemotherapy treatment will prevent future tumors from forming.

Thank you to everyone for continuing to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am looking forward to these few weeks off to recuperate!

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Just a week to go...

I'm on the home stretch! I'm still in Nashville this week doing daily radiation therapy. One week from today I have my last treatment and will have the doctor's appointment that will tell us if I will need to receive six months of chemotherapy. So, that is where prayers can be directed to now. Thank you all who have followed along, prayed, visited, stayed with me in Nashville, mailed cards, sent positive thoughts, and been such a huge support system through this all. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you with my righteous hands.

Week Three...

Psalm 29:11
The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Week three begins! The fatigue is setting in, and I'm feeling a little more "icky" but it's all part of the deal. Today has been the hardest day so far. Loosing your hair is something that you just really can't prepare for, and no matter how much you think you have, it's quite a shock. For me it's not so much a vanity thing, but more of the realization of being a "sick" person. So, this week, I'm praying Psalm 29:11, for strength and peace.

When we met with the oncologist on Friday, they were still unsure if I will need chemo after the radiation is complete. If so, I will get a 6-8 week break, then begin 6-9 months of chemotherapy in Nashville, every-other week. For now, they are doing more research to decide if it is needed.

Thanks to everyone for the continued prayers and support!

Week Two Coming to an End...

This week has been a little more difficult, but I am so thankful for wonderful friends! Even though the fatigue and nausea have been worse, I've had a great support team here to help me. Last week my friend Robin Flowers stayed with me and brought me home for the weekend. Then, this week, I've had Janie Wallace and Brenda McElroy here keeping me cheery and entertained! It has been such a help to the whole family for my mom to get to spend some time at home while they were here with me. Mom is driving down today, however, because we have a follow-up with my oncologist on Friday before heading home. That's about all that's new for now, just looking forward to what another weekend of "normal" at home has to bring! Thanks to those of you who sent cards, flowers, and notes to keep my spirits up this week!

One Week Down... Five to Go

The first week of treatments is over, and I'm feeling as well as can be expected. Very little sickness and just pretty tired. It was nice to spend the weekend doing "normal" things! On Friday night Ryan and Stephanie were nice enough to take me to the Paducah Writer's Group which I love, and Saturday I spent the day being crafty and staging my house. That night Ryan took me to Cracker Barrel with Bridgette and Brandi and we had a great time! Sunday has been a day for church & family and tonight dinner with Millie and Ryan before church.

I've included some pictures of the yummy desserts I made for the 4th of July last weekend!

Thanks again to everyone for their prayers, thoughts, cards and support through this time. I have been so blessed by the outreach from friends, family and complete strangers who have been so helpful and thoughtful through it all. As this week begins please been in prayer that the sickness will continue to subside and treatments will go as easily as they have so far. Thank you all for following along, and I will do my best to update again soon!

First Day of Treatments

Well, we are settled in at the Hope Lodge and I started treatments today. It wasn't too bad, and I'm feeling pretty good! They told me that it would take a few days before I started to feel too sick from the radiaiton, so I'm taking advantage of the good days. :) They have a computer room here so I do have some limited internet access. Other than that, I'm knitting of course!

Today, what is heavy on my heart is the situation in Honduras. Here is an email I received today...
Here is a note from a missionary friend who lives and works in Tegucigalpa. The president has been exiled from Honduras for the past week and claims he will return today:
"Today, the former president Zelaya returns to the capital of Honduras. He has invited mobs of people to "welcome" him, as the interim government threatens him with arrest upon his return. Thus far, this has been a bloodless change of government. But today? I pray for a good outcome. Thousands are camped out at the airport waiting for him. Riot police are there, too. Pray for lives to be spared."
Please join in prayer and email your friends to do likewise. So, as you can see, this is a dangerous situation for everyone.

The saddest part is that when things like this happen, the orphans suffer even more. No one can go and visit the orphanages, and they are often cut off from government support as far as food, supplies, etc. So, these innocent children are suffering even more, as if they don't already have it bad enough. So, for now, prayers are needed for those sweet children in Honduras more than for me. They are the ones suffering today!

A quick update...

So, I still have a blood clot pressing on my optic nerves and some hemorrhaging behind my eyes. We had hoped that a few days in the hospital with blood thinners will cure the problem, but it's taking a little longer than expected. While we had originally hoped to go home by Tuesday, now its looking a little more like late Thursday if not Friday. At least we hope to be home for the holiday weekend!

I'm still set to start radiation on Monday, June 6th and will do 6 weeks of treatment at Vanderbilt. Today I got the markers for the radiation therapy, and tomorrow they will be doing a final scan to verify everything and make sure we're on track to start Monday.

Like I mentioned before, I'll be staying at the Hope Lodge which is a free service of the American Cancer Society, and very nice. Several friends have volunteered to help come and stay with me and take me to treatments so that Mom does not have to be there all the time over the 6 weeks.

Thank you all for your continued prayers, love and support! Hopefully we'll be home for some normalcy on the weekend before starting radiation!

Cancer update and more knitting!

So I haven't updated in a while... This is my new short haircut! I figured since I'll be loosing it in a few weeks, it was time for a change! My boyfried Ryan has been great. Even when I'm grouchy and bite his head off, he has been so supportive and helpful! My family is the best too!

Since my last post alot has happend! On June 2nd I had surgery to remove the brain tumor. As it turns out, I was diagnosed with Medulloblastoma... A children's brain cancer that rarely appears in adults. Just a few days after surgery I was sent home and began to recover well.

I had great friends that came to visit for weeks and everyday I felt better than the next... Then came this week... On Tuesday my vision became worse and the headaches got really bad. After the doctors in Nashville reviewed tests from Thursday, we got a call at 8:00pm Friday night to report back to Vandy as soon as possible. So, after arriving at the hospital after 11:00pm, and tests until 5:00am, we found out that I now have a blood clot pressing on my optic nerve and some hemorrhaging behind my eyes. Even though it sounds a little scarry, at least they caught it early and feel confident that a few days in the hospital with blood thinners will cure the problem.

As of now, I'm still set to start radiation on Monday, June 6th and will do 6 weeks of treatment at Vanderbilt. I'll be staying at the Hope Lodge which is a free service of the American Cancer Society, and very nice. Several friends have volunteered to help come and stay with me and take me to treatments so that Mom doesn' t have to be there all the time over the 6 weeks.

So, in the mean time, I'm sitting here in the hospital, kitting away! I have to wait until my medicine kicks in so that I can see well enough, but I'm doing my best! Haha

Thanks to everyone for their love, support and prayers! It means so much and keeps my heart cheerful and my spirits up!

Proverbs 15:13 A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.

Golf Balls, Knitting & A Brain Tumor..

So, life has been crazy these past few weeks. I have been working like crazy for Starfish Orphan Ministry on fund raisers galore! Three weeks ago we had a charity auction that was a huge success, raising nearly $18,00! Then, just a week ago, our 5K event was twice as big as we expected and brought in over $5,000! God has truly blessed our efforts, and I can't wait to see how he multiplies them to impact the lives of these orphaned children!

All of this was in preparation for the upcoming trip to El Salvador, scheduled for June 5th. While organizing the fund raisers, I began to have massive headaches and became very ill. On Tuesday, I learned the reason... A golf ball size tumor on my brain. That will do it!

So, now, instead of preparing for my trip that I so look forward to each year, I am sitting in a Neuro wing at Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville, awaiting surgery on Tuesday, June 2nd. Although it's all very scary and hard, I know God has a reason and a plan for everything. I have had so many blessings over the past few days with total strangers emailing, sending cards, and even stopping in to pray with me. It's one of those things that may not allow me to see His purpose for a while, but I know I have a peace about it for a reason.

So, for now, I'm knitting and awaiting surgery! I will also be blogging for the El Salvador team at http://starfishorphanministry.blogspot.com/ You can follow along to see what the team is doing each day and for specific prayer requests. Thanks to everyone for your love and support, and I will try to post some of my knitting projects soon!

Ashley

The reason for the name...

A Universal Language
Proverbs 15:13
A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.

So while I've never been a big fan of the "heart" image, when I was thinking of a name for my blog, Proverbs 15:13 kept coming to mind. When looking back on experiencing other cultures, the symbol of the heart really is one of the few that transcends as a universal language...

These little girls were at a school in a rural village a few hours outside San Salvador, El Salvador. On my last visit there in July of 2008, one of them made me a card on construction paper cut into a heart shape, and I snapped this picture as we were driving away.

I often think of those children when I read that verse. What is it that can possibly make their hearts so cheerful? They are living in poverty, they may not know where their next meal will come from, many of them have no family to love them, and yet their cheerful little hearts are bringing smiles to their faces so often. Isn't God great? With so many things to frown for, and so many reasons for a sad heart, He keeps them cheerful, even if for a moment...

I don't know about you, but especially with the recent events in my life and that of my family, there are many days it would be much easier to allow my heart to be sad, but what's the point? Why make the day harder to pass? I think back to these girls and remember how blessed I am, no matter how bad the day may seem.

So, "CheerfulHearts" it is! My thoughts & ideas, trips & events, creative attempts, rants & raves, for better or worse, look out, here it comes!