One year later...

June 2nd was one year since my brain surgery... How fitting that God's promise was reminded to me over the Nashville sky as I started a new chemo!

Brightness everywhere! The way a rainbow springs out of the sky on a rainy day—that's what it was like. It turned out to be the Glory of God! Ezekiel 1:25

First, I want to thank everyone who has shown me so much love and support over the past year. my family & friends, Mom, Dad, Ryan, Jackie & Melissa and so many more. I know there have been hundreds of people praying for me around the world, many I don't even know, and I am so incredibly grateful!

Here we go...

This week was one year since my tumor was discovered. My cancer is called Medulloblastoma. It's actually a children's brain and spine cancer and it's rare that anyone over the age of 15 would get it for the first time. I was 25. I had a golf ball size tumor resected from my cerebellum. They had me on high steroids for a week to reduce swelling, then did the surgery on June 2, 2009. The pain and hell the few weeks after surgery was unimaginable, and NO ONE could have understood. But, with each and every day and quite a bit of physical therapy, things got easier.

They were able to get my whole tumor out, but I started six weeks of radiation in July and lived in Nashville during that time. After I had a few weeks of rest, they started chemo in September. My radiation was cranio-spinal. That means from the front of my brain all the way down my spine into my hips. That's the largest area they can radiate at once. It made me extremely tired and nauseated, but I didn't throw up much. Other than the fatigue, it wasn't that bad, until I lost my hair. That was hard. Luckily, I had one of my best friends staying with me in Nashville at the time.

The day it began to fall out I cried allot, but I was prepared and had Bridgette go ahead and shave off the rest of my hair. My number one suggestion is to get a good wig you're comfortable with before you loose your hair. At first you'll feel like everyone can tell, but they make them so well now, no one ever knows. I'm constantly complimented on what great hair I have, and they have no idea it's not even mine! Plus I can get ready so fast now! :)

After some recovery time, I decided to go ahead with chemo. They gave me the option to not take it, but it's common that Medulloblastoma can come back in the spine. So, my chemo has been for preventative reasons. It began in September 2009 and I hope to finish by this September. Originally they said I would only take it for 6-9 months, but my body took it pretty hard with low blood counts and platelets each time. So, I've had to have lots of transfusions and rebuilding time between treatments.

While the whole thing sounds pretty terrible as I'm sitting her typing it out, I want to encourage anyone facing it; not scare them. God has been amazing through the whole thing. I have really tried to not ask, "Why did this have to happen to me?" That's the easiest thing to think. It's easy to have a pity party, and really, who would blame you under the circumstances? What I've tried to keep telling myself is that I'm so glad it was me and not a child. I know that God only gives us what we can handle. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD HANDLE IT... but, He has shown me how I really can do it, I just have to trust that He's going to help me get through it.

While I wouldn't have wished for, or expected this in a thousand years, a lot of good has come out of it. I had to move back in with my parents after owning my own home for 3 years. While I thought it would be HORRIBLE, I am so close to my mom now. She takes me to all of my appointments in Nashville, and we have truly become so much closer its amazing.

My boyfriend and I also grew unbelievably closer. You truly learn who in your life loves you when it comes to cancer. Most people are afraid. Many of them will come in the beginning anyway, but it's those who stick with you through it all that truly love you. Ryan and I were engaged in September of 2009 and we are looking forward to planning our wedding when I'm done with treatments.

There are days that I still sit and want to cry. My advice: do it. And the people around you should let you. As long as you're not down about it all the time, I think a good cry about once a week is healthy. I didn't cry for the first three months. I think I was just too much in shock. Once I did, I felt so much better. I also see a therapist about once a month. It really helps to just unload on someone who's not in the thick of it, and who won't say, "It will all be okay!" As nice as that sounds, sometimes, its the last thing you want to hear.

Overall, I wouldn't trade it. I have learned more about God, myself and the people around me in one year, than I ever imagined possible. While we can't always see the plans when we are at the beginning of the ride; the valleys, drops, twists and turns, He engineered the ride and we have on one heck of a safety harness. While we might be afraid in the beginning, most of the time, when the ride comes to an end, we realize it wasn't that bad after all.

A week full of D List Celebrities...

A few weeks ago, when Mom and I were headed for a second opinion at Duke, we had some interesting run-ins at the Nashville airport...

Just as we were getting out of the car, there was an ambulance unloading a person on a gurney. We commented about how awful it must be to have to travel like that on a commercial flight, as we entered the terminal. After going through security, we sat down to put our shoes back on, and the man next to us dropped his briefcase. As things began to slide across the crowded room, Mom startet to help him pick up.

The man was so greatful for her help that he said, "Here let me give you something!" Many possibilities ran through our heads, but nothing as strange as what he gave us! He put a post card in each of our hands and said, "It's Little Richard." Well, we both must have had bizarre looks on our faces, because this was a very LARGE man and looked nothing like Little Richard. He obviously noticed our confusion and said, "No! Over there, on the stretcher. That's Little Richard. I am his body guard." It wasn't what we expected, but made for one of our most interesting celebrity sightings... that week.

I figured no one would ever actually believe this story, so I have included pictures of both his pre-autographed post card, and his gurney wheel. (That's the best I cold do.)

Only moments later were we walking through the food court and heard horrible screams. First, three men ran by, then a large pack of screaming teenage girls. The guys ducked into the first mens room they could find. Mom and I were feeling a little un-cool for not knowing who he was, so I stopped and asked one of the girls. Her response was, "Duh! Bucky Covington!!!"

Aparently this was one American Idol I did not keep up with. (I did not take this picture. Just saving most of you the trouble of Googling to find out who this guy is.)

And last, but not least; as we were eating at California Pizza Kitchen, a few days later... Mom looked out the window behind me and said, "That man walking in looks just like John Edwards." When I didn't look, she said, "No. Seirously. He looks JUST LIKE John Edwards!" Just as he walked in, I had to concede that yes, it looked like him because it was him! It just so happend to be the same day that the media linked info on his affair. So, as the rest of you were watching him on CNN, he was at the table next to us!

I did not take this picture either, but it made me laugh!

And these are the days of our lives...

After a visit to the best, at Duke University, it was determined that I likely have new cancer growing on my spine. They could not be positive, but felt that it would not be safe to leave it untreated. So, it looks like several months of intensive chemotherapy.

I started this Monday and Tuesday and so far I'm feeling well. I come back in four weeks to hopefully have more treatments, but only if my counts are good.

What our family really needs right now are prayers for my Mom's mother. Her name is Barbara Hodges and she is dying of pancreatic and colon cancer. She is in St. Thomas Hospital here in Nashville, so we have been able to stay and visit with her. She was diagnosed in November of 2008 and told she only had 5 months. She was always extremely healthy and now its 15 months later and things are going down hill quickly. I greatly appreciate your prayers and support for me, but I ask that you keep her in mind as well...

As most of you know, the past year and a half has been very difficult for our family, but it is important to remember 1st Corinthians 16:13-14 "Be on your guard; Stand firm in the faith; Be couraegous; Be strong. Do everything in Love."

There are so many days that it would be much easier to just be angry. Angry at God for choosing us. But, if there is one thing that I have learned through this all is that He is in charge, and therefore must have an incredible reason and blessing on the back end of it all. Not just for me, but our entire family. So, we must be on guard, stand firm in the faith, be couraegous, be strong, and remember that when we want to take out our anger on others or show our frustration, we must do everything in love.

A second opinion...

Well, tomorrow we are heading to Duke University in Durham, NC. The doctors at Vanderbilt discovered to white masses on my brain. They are unsure of what they are, or how to treat the issue. I've still been having dizzy spells and pain. Because the Vandy doctors wanted to continue chemo without really exploring these problems, we've decided on Duke for a second opinion.

Mom and I leave Monday morning and will fly to Raleigh-Durham. My appointments are on Tuesday and Wednesday and, if all goes well, we will head back on Thursday. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support!

A New Year

I can't believe it's been two months since I posted!

I'm feeling a little better. I spent most of November and December in and out of the hospital, but I feel lots better now. I go back on Wednesday of next week for a spinal tap and MRI and then go again Friday to see the doctor. Then, they'll let me know what the plan is for chemo.

I've had a months break and its been nice! Thanksgiving I wasn't feeling well, and ended up in the hospital, but Christmas was great with my family and Ryan's. I hope you all had great holiday's too!

Going into the new year means a new beginning! I don't know what God has planned for the year ahead, but I know it will only get better from here! I'm looking forward to Natalie's wedding, planning for mine, getting back to El Salvador and staying busy with fund raising for Starfish.